(Re-enactment) The sunglass clad expressionless agent from a US Agency that claims to not exist handed me the envelope. Was a Cheney death squad finally catching up with me for writing about him and the Administration?
The data-encrypted document case required dual firing keys that be opened with a precision that would make a Swiss watchmaker cry. The letterhead inside said: From The Ultra-Secret Bill Gates Group, Inc. and it was all very ominous.
It was an invitation to a special event hosted by Burson Marsteller corporate SPIN group to raise funds for the world’s top hi-tech billionaires who collectively lost some $40 billion last year during the financial meltdown. Those poor men, imagine the calamity.
The news was dreadful. Bill himself was the biggest loser, and we’re not talking weight loss, as some $18 billion vanished and he was now worth a paltry $40 billion. Larry Ellison’s $2.5 billion loss meant deep staff cuts on the world’s largest yacht. Michael Bloomberg began taking his previously deferred mayoral salary even after gaining 5 billion dollars(!), “you neveh know what lies ahead,” said da mayor. Steve Jobs was the biggest percentage loser as his mysterious illness (Russian spies and Polonium have been rumoured for months now) pummelled the company’s stock, wiping out almost half of his net worth.
Michael Dell was busy destroying yet another office and fuming at everyone as he lost $4 billion dollars, he kept muttering “heads will roll!” The Google poster boys Brin and Sergy lost a combined $11 billion but were too busy partying on their pimped out 767 with ex-President Clinton to notice. And the “grown-up” brought in to run the company, Eric Schmidt, he lost $2.2 billion.
About the only ‘just desserts’ in this list were Microsoft’s Ballmer and Allen losing $9.4 billion after giving the world Vista and Rupert Murdoch haemorrhaged $4.3 billion running the loudmouths at FOX News and the New York Post.
Of course my journalistic tongue has been firmly embedded in cheek for the opening parody of what might have happened, but everyone in this group (except Michael Bloomberg) took it on the chin in 2008.
While we won’t see any charitable benefit balls held in their name any time soon, this recession has hit a number of sectors very, very hard. The tech sector though counted on our appetite for newer, faster machines. It ran head-on into economic reality that said, “you know, I may only have a Gigabyte of memory and the box looks not as cool as a new Mac, but XP still works, all the programs I need to conduct business still work, maybe don’t have all the bells and whistles.”
And that was when the three note theme and screaming woman in the background indicated this was not your normal recession. Americans (and indeed the res of the world), like their new President, were growing up, facing the music and learning to live within their means.
A friend once said, “I tried to live within my means once, but it’s too tight in there!” Well everyone learned how tight it was last year. After 15 years of “Citius, Altius, Fortius”, the world said “enough. I’m fast, high and strong enough thank you. I’m pulling into my economic shell and while I would like the latest flat screen TV iPhone that will give me a back massage and pour a great latte, I don’t need it in this economy.”
And that, as they say, was that. Plenty of supply, no demand and the shedding of corporate jobs at rates not seen before. These companies will re-group and come back and there will be a new word, no, not socialist – sustainability. We must find a way to live within our means and take better care of our resources and our planet or all will be devoured.
So, grown-up supervision has arrived across the board. Good luck with that one lads.
