Big Rich Romney Slated As Reality Show
The Romneys and The Donald discuss pilot?
By Charley James
Insiders at the E! cable network have leaked word that Mitt and Ann Romney will star in a new reality show, Big Rich Romney, scheduled to launch in early 2013. Taping begins Nov. 7, the day after the election when, a source confirms, “Mitt need a job because Ann won’t let him use any more of his stock portfolio for them to live on.”
“We’re not at university anymore!” the candidate’s wife reminds network officials, “and his old partners at Bain won’t let him back in because they say he gives greed a bad name.”
Although a spot in the E! schedule has yet to be firmed up, programmers are looking at Friday night. Joan Rivers’ popular Fashion Police would be moved up one hour to 9PM with Big Rich Romney airing at 10:00.
“We need to give the show as strong a lead-in as possible,” an E! source says, “because by January people probably aren’t going to want to see much of Romney and his Stepford family.”
The series will be co-produced by Mark Penn and James Carville, both senior advisors to Hillary Clinton’s unsuccessful 2008 presidential campaign, who are said to still be angry that Barack Obama defeated her. The pair “wants to keep other failed Obama challengers in the spotlight,” people close to both men assert.
“Hillary got to be Secretary of State after Obama won,” a Carville intimate reports, adding, “That’s not a route open to Romney since his foreign trips and speeches during the campaign offended many of the countries the US tries to maintain cordial relations with.”
Spokespeople at NBCUniversal, which owns the E! network, refuse to confirm or deny the persistent Big Rich Romney rumors. But other usually reliable sources reveal that basic story lines for the first six episodes have been approved by NBC’s chief executive, Jeff Zucker.
Episode 1 – Ann is confused by an invitation to speak at a Tea Party rally and is upset when she shows up wearing white gloves but everyone else is in a white sheet. Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home.
Episode 2 – Mitt visits England and asks Queen Elizabeth if her Corgi’s ride on the roof of her Rolls Royce when she goes to Windsor Palace. Ann frets that her golden years will be a struggle with only $100-million in an IRA. Upon returning from Britain, Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home.
Episode 3 – Mitt loses the ATM card from one of his Swiss bank accounts and wonders if one of their sons took it. Ann asks friends why the gardener at their Massachusetts home speaks Spanish so well. Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home.
Episode 4 – Shopping for new magic underwear for Mitt, Ann slaps a sales clerk for wearing a button proclaiming, “Proud To Be A 47%-er!” Donald Trump visits unexpectedly to show Mitt the best way to comb his hair. Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home showing Trump how it works.
Episode 5 – At the country club, Mitt bumps into the Koch brothers and they bemoan how old fashioned American values are disappearing. David Koch says ruefully, “I remember when $100-million was more than enough to buy me a president.” After lunch at the club, Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home. Ann gets mad when a rival accuses her of being like Leona Helmsley, barking back, “Leona cheated on her taxes, we just don’t pay any. There’s a big difference, bitch!” and throws a glass of 1907 Heidseick champagne on the woman.
Episode 6 – Mitt appears as a guest on Joel McHale’s The Soup on where his campaign gaffes are “The Clip of the Week.” Ann walks off the set of Chelsea Lately after host Chelsea Handler reminds Ann that she’s half-Mormon “but my dad isn’t nearly as crazy as your husband.” Trying to figure out McHale’s jokes confuses Mitt, resulting in him getting stuck in the car elevator at the family’s new California home when he returns from the taping.
Sources say Mitt and Ann each will be paid more than $1-million for the series but add that the network is confident it will make money off the couple.
“It’s a natural,” insists a close friend of NBC executive Zucker. “Along with Big Rich Texas and Most Eligible Dallas, E! is showing America that even wealthy people can act like trailer trash.
“Besides, other than the size of their bank accounts, there’s no real difference between Ann Romney and Honey Boo Boo’s mother.”
Follow Charley on Twitter @SuddenlyHomeles.
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(STOP IT! This is hard! -Tongue-in-cheek Ed.)
Charley James is a long-time independent journalist who covers social justice, politics and economic issues. He's worked in print and broadcast media for national magazines, large newspapers and major market radio and television outlets.
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Hey–what about regular visits from the next door neighbors, The Akins?
Both Daddy and Junior Akin could interact with the Romneys and the usual hilarity could ensue re rape and how violent crime is as ok as not paying bills.
Maybe in one episode Clint Eastwood could redo his act of talking to an empty chair?
The potential for more entertainment with this is substantial. Add The Akins and the fun just doesn’t stop.
It’s interesting that the left is so offended by Romney’s business success which yielded most of his wealth. The left loved John Kerry who is wealthier than Romney (he married his money) and JKF (whose inherited money came mostly from illegal bootlegging). And there’s George Soros who is among the richest of the rich (he made his money being – oh my – a capitalist!). So it appears the problem is not really being rich. It’s being not of the left. During the 20th century, that crime often got you shot!
@qed2 – The issue isn’t that Mitt Romney is rich. It is how he captured his wealth.
Basically, he raped and pillaged distressed companies, laying off workers and sending jobs overseas, loaded the businesses with debt for no apparent reason other than to extract the money as “management fees” and then allowed mnay of the busiesses to slide into bankruptcy. Moreover, where he could Romney looted worker’s pension plans, leaving the federal government to pick up the tab.
The man is a charlatan of the lowest order.
Mr. James: I have never seen any data to prove or disprove your claim. What you write is the assertion of his opponents who have not provided evidence of which I am aware. The truth of the matter is that he probably did some of what you claim, but he also saved many companies and the the jobs and pensions they provided. When you are in the venture capital business, you lose some and you win some.
Romney himself has admitted outsourcing more than 100,000 jobs and the one company he claims to have helped – Staples, the office supply company – actually pospered after he left Bain.
Yes, venture capitalists win and lose but venture capital is not what Romney or Bain ever did. As Matt Tiabbi has documented at length, Romney only bought distressed companies for the sole purpose of bleeding them dry by extracting management fees; if they went on to succeed or fail was never his concern. All he did as a vulture (not venture) capitalist was cut costs, usually by firing people and sending jobs overseas, and did nothing to improve the management, product line or processes.
Data for the pension plans that were looted ius available by going to the US government website for the pension plan insurance or recovery agency. It’s tricky because you have to then flip back and forth between the data base and Bain SEC and other filings to match them up.
Thanks for the info. Will check it out. I wonder why Romney’s critics have not cited it (at least not to my knowledge). If as you say, that should clearly end the argument.