These seven deadly virtues ran headlong into the seven deadly sins as The Straight Talk Express and Smug Religious Right collided head on in New Orleans and Minneapolis yesterday. Dozens were wounded in separate incidents as riot police and troops stood at the ready to bring everyone forcibly on message.

Facing no choice, the same Conservative radical Republican group that expressed its moral outrage at Bill Clinton, publicly forgave and embraced the pregnant 17-year old daughter of Alaska Governor and VP hopeful Sarah Palin and declared her “hands-off” for the media whilst lauding Palin and her husband for their bravery in upholding Christian values by not succumbing to evil abortion in now two cases. A separate casualty in the collision was my lunch, now sitting in the bottom of the porcelain throne as the gag reflex somehow strengthened yesterday.

Many media outlets have begun a nomination death watch as the steady drip of bad news grew to a torrent and demonstrated a complete lack of vetting around this candidate beyond sniffing at her conservative interview record. Whilst not fully onboard “the son as grandson story,” when one looked at side-by-side 7-month pregnant photos of Palin in 1989 whilst carrying Trig when she looked like a normal pregnant woman and her carefully disguised from any camera trim figure a few months ago before travelling 8-hours after/while leaking amniotic fluid, seemed to beggar belief. There’s enough red meat without that one.

The party of Lincoln, which had long shamed his name and perfected talking out of both sides of its mouth, raised it to an Olympic standard yesterday as the base was still “thrilled with our Sarah.” We’re awaiting word from the White House that she has “the complete support of President Bush,” which, traditionally, signals the beginning of the end of one’s political career – Heck of a job Brownie!

The campaign breathed a sigh of relief as Gustav appeared to allow two subdued hours of party business in Minneapolis. The party found compassion and time to help those in need posting website addresses and looking very contrite. Except for a few Republican members of Congress and their lobbyist friends who strayed from the serious message on Saturday Night and partied like it was 1999 to the stylish renderings of the band “Hookers and Blow” at a nightclub event, whilst New Orleans was being evacuated (see the ABC story below). Comparisons to Emperor Nero fiddling were dismissed as the premise of every questions was artfully sidestepped with, “No! I’m not talking to you!”

Bush and Cheney, to the relief of all, will now NOT speak (so in theory they cannot be blamed) at the Convention and the Bush team actually looked like they had an evacuation plan in place and did not let people die in New Orleans because they were poor.

Of course during interviews by FEMA Secretary Chertoff, the former Democratic Governor was the reason so many people died in 2005 but hey, this party is going to own its failures and not point the finger of blame… oh well. You can’t expect the FEMA Secretary to remain on message and away from politics at a time of tragedy like this now?

The split screen convention materialised and despite the best efforts of Republicans to put on a compassionate, caring face, their chickens all came home to roost when Bristol and ‘Levi’ announced through Party spokespeople trying to bury the story during the storm, about their failed abstinence pledge, pending nuptials and new arrival. Rumour has it that Levi’s recently State Police tasered parents have entered into the Alaskan witness protection program aka the Iditarod Race. This will be a true ‘shotgun’ wedding as the Governor does own a gun.

I sat watching as developments unfolded one by one and began looking for signs such as: Dan Quayle gleefully dancing like Bill Buckner when the Red Sox finally won the World Series and took the monkey off his back, Nixon’s dog Checkers wandering the aisles or Alan Eagleton as the pressure on VP nominee Palin continued to build like an oxygen canister aboard a Qantas overseas flight.

The marathon hypocrisy-a-thon rolled on into the early evening night where Laura Bush and Cindy McCain, both with higher favourable ratings than their husbands, addressed a near empty convention hall.

Gustav dumped a lot of water and misery and that’s before John McCain tries to rally his party this week. Meanwhile Day Five of the Palin nomination death watch continues.

Rather than shamelessly try to steal headlines back as McCain did last week, Senator Obama jumped to Palin’s defence throwing an anchor wrapped as a life vest into the leaking boat and telling the media to back off, his mother had him when she was 18 and let the process run its course this week.

Obama thoroughly vetted and deliberated speaking with party colleagues before selecting Joe Biden. McCain said, I want my buddy Democrat Joe Lieberman, the party said “no!” and in a fit of pique said OK, give me Palin then.

Now Republican lawyers are on the ground in Alaska fully vetting Ms. Palin to see what other surprises may lurk rather than the current death by a thousand cuts.

Oh what it week it is when sin and virtue collide.